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Funny Jokes

Confessions
A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a...

Touring Washington
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol...

Well Then
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life....

Dead Frog
One day, a twelve year old boy walks into a brothel, dragging a dead frog behind...

Abnormal Psychology
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject...

The Parrot And The Auctioneer
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted...

Deathbed Confession
There was a man who had four kids, all gorgeous, except for the youngest one, Craig,...

Bell Ringer
There was this little boy with no arms. He wanted to ring the church bell on Sundays...

Pregnant
Q. Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, 35 children is enough. Q. When will my...

Accident Reports
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car....

Stressed Out Woman Driver
An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy Boulevard. Suddenly,...

Chatty Parrot
An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much trouble....

Tell Me What To Do
A couple of rednecks are out in the woods doing some hunting one day, when suddenly...

Male Chauvinist Pig Wannabe
Top ten answers I always wanted to give to women but never have (and had to keep...

The Laws Of Golfing
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does...

Assistance
While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise a Huey...

On Marriage: One-Liners
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman My wife and I...

A Geek's List Of Thanks
1. Be thankful you haven't been spammed! 2. Be thankful your computer isn't down!...

On a Budget
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often...

Three Wise Women
Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women instead of Three...


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Canadian Blonde
An elderly blonde lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North...

Two Wal-Mart Greeters
Two Wal-Mart greeters were sitting on bench during break. One turns to the other...

Twelve Days Microsoft
On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Windows 95 for my PC On the...

A Fruit Cake Recipie
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups...

Is Windows A Virus?
With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country,...

Drinks All Round
This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, "A double whisky please barman, and a drink...

Y'allbonics Language
The Association of Southern Schools has decided to seek a grant designating Southern...

Bad Wish
A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar. The bartender...

Round And Round
Hillary dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there...

100 Nuns
The head Nun of the convent called all 100 Nuns into the foyer for an emergency meeting....

Grown-Up Words
The kindergartners were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more...

Downsizing Christmas
Christmas downsizing Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue...

A New Location
A new business was opening, and one of the owner's friends sent flowers for the...

St. Patrick
Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub, when they spotted an Irishman sitting...

Love Dress
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the...

A Woman In The Know
A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter....

Desperate Measures
A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates...

Only In New York
A New York City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl...

A Young Couples Wedding Night
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for...

You're In Big Trouble
I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN... ...the new policy on sexual harassment...


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More Jokes

Booty Call Agreement
This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "Agreement") is entered...

Sounds Dirty in Golf
1. Nuts! My shaft is bent. 2. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 3. You really whacked...

Midnight Snack
Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired...

Shot Glass
A man walks up to the bartender and says, "Y'see that cup over there? I'll bet $100...

Married Couple
A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby...

Seeing A Child In Need
One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a...

Sin And Shame?
What's the difference between sin and shame? It's a sin to put it in, but it's...

New Drugs For Men
With Viagra such a great medical success for increasing men's sexual prowess, Pfizer...

Problems
The husband says to his wife, "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office....

Fitting Purchase
A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden...

A New Member Of The Golf Club
Three guys get together every Saturday to go to the local Country Club to play golf....

I'd Rather Have A Puppy
A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having...

Going To Georgia
AUG 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It’s so beautiful here! The landscape is so...

Long Hair
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a rabbi,...

The Popular Mule
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded...

Car Problems
A young blonde female stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality...

New Baby
Tired from waiting for their overdue baby, my daughter Margaret and her husband Dave...

Cough Treatment
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The...

Tech Support for Husband 1.0
To: Tech Support To whom it may concern, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0...

The Blind Man
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a...


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Saving Clinton
Bill Clinton trips and falls over a bridge railing while jogging one morning. Before...

A Room For The Night
Many years ago, a Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one night at...

Notes To Women
- Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. - Don't imagine that you can...

The Deaf Mafia Collector
The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private...

Girl Confesses
A girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."...

Wide Stance
A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor...

Bear In The Woods
First Hunter (panting): "I just met a great big bear in the woods!" Second Hunter:...

Deserving Grade
There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term...

The Blonde House Painter
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes...

Quick Thinker
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy...

How To Speak Southern
WORLD FAMOUS SOUTHERN TALK BECOME A NATIVE SOUTHERNER How to talk native SOUTHERN...

If Only Men Listened
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the...

The Funeral
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher...

Things only a Mother can Teach
1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."...

British Airways Pilot
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not...

Talking Addition
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus six, that...

An Australian Christmas
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat away Here comes...

Brave Rats
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking. The first says, "I'm so tough, once...

Entering Pearly Gates
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly...

Blondes, Bananas And Trains
Two blondes were riding a train for the first time. They had brought along a bag...


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