FUNNY BULLSHIT

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight
up to the bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled
over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny
husband crawled ...

There once was five year old boy who enjoyed playing with his train set. One afternoon, his mother happened to be standing by the door listening to the boy play. She was shocked when she heard him saying, ...

A Blonde And A Brunette Are Running A Ranch Together In Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars ...

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher:
Teacher: Morning Tommy, and why weren't you at school yesterday?
Tommy: Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt. ...

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, ripped her ...

Once there was a rabbit and a bear living in a forest. They went out for a walk and saw a magic golden frog. The rabbit and bear said, "Goodie, three wishes!" The frog then said, "No, six wishes since ...

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't ...

There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..." until a blonde came up to her and said, "that looks like fun, can I try?" The brunette said sure so the blonde chanted, ...

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 10 o'clock news together. The current news was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The situation cut to a commercial.
Brunette: "I'll bet ...

A ventriloquist walked up to an Indian and said "I'll bet I can make your horse talk."
Indian: "Horse no talk"
Ventriloquist: "Sure watch this. Hi horse. How does you master treat you?"
Horse: ...

You Need To Have A Bad Day To Get Into Heaven

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was ...

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly calls her and urges her to get back into the ...

A cat and a horse are walking through the forest. Suddenly the cat slips into a pit of quicksand. "Help me Ed!", says the cat, "Quick, run home, get the ferari, cruise back here tie a rope to the ...

A cucumber and a pickle are having a conversation and the pickle says to the cucumber, "You know my life really sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings over me and stick me ...